Curses, Cusses and Cat Calls
- May 2
- 2 min read
Whilst creating the wonderful world of The Septimus Knights Adventures, I noticed many of my characters love swearing, cussing, or abusing each other with joyful abandon. However, these ancient insults from the dim and distant thirteenth century are sadly no longer in use. Here’s a list of the commonest and juiciest ones. I say let’s bring them back, as most would be effective defence against the thoughtless fools, frightful egos, and endless wafflers we meet on our daily travels through life—the world turns, but people don’t change!
If you do manage to sneak one into your conversation, please let me know.
Crooked-nosed Knave
Someone, usually a man, with no class, morals, or decency. The person in question is usually fine with this.
Driggle-draggle
A dirty woman, as in filthy, smelly, and lacking all concept of basic hygiene.
Fopdoddle
Basically, a dumbass. Or a dumbass who thinks they are intelligent, despite much evidence to the contrary.
Whiffle-whaffle
An indecisive flip-flopper. The decisions they make are always doubted, agonised over, and mostly reversed. This is repeated ad infinitum.
Puterelle
Woman with a bad reputation. Or a decent woman being gossiped about by hedge-born muck-spouts (see below) who aim to make people think she’s a puterelle.
Sot
A drunk. Usually found sitting in an inn, inebriated, talking nonsense to nobody in particular. They appear as if from nowhere, and in great numbers, at the weekend.
Loiter-sack
A moocher, scrounger, or money grubber. They lend money, but have no concept of repayment. Top be engaged with caution.
Quisby
A lazy ass. Lies in bed, afraid of work, and desires only to be fed and watered by partners, parents, or anyone dumb enough to do so.
Yaldson
The son of a prostitute. His unfortunate reputation is formed at birth by people who should know better.
Muck-spout
Someone who talks and cusses a lot. In company, they pepper their conversations with such liberal doses of expletives that most of what they say is nonsensical. To be kept away from children, lest they turn into mini muck-spouts.
Hedge-born
Someone low-class. Even high-born people can be hedge-born by their actions.
Cumberworld
A useless person who just takes up space. This can be a bit unfair to people who are naturally large in body and generally don’t have much interest in various tedious walks of life.
Cox-comb
A vain person. Often found preening themselves in front of the looking glass. They consider themselves more handsome or beautiful than the rest of the world. Everyone else in the world disagrees with this assertion, even if it’s true.
Raggabrash
A disorganised person. Always losing important possessions or documents, forgetting appointments, and using this handicap as an excuse to get other people to carry their responsibilities
Fustilugs
A large, clumsy, gross person. Many village idiots have been called a fustilugs. But fun fact: most village idiots, when not working, can be surprisingly studious and erudite.
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